Know when to hold ’em…

I’ve had the Kenny Rogers song ‘The Gambler’ in my head for the last week or so.

Let me explain…..

I’ve sent my manuscript to the editor, and got some really great feedback. Including:

“I think there is a solid strength in the way your stories connect and disconnect, merge and drift apart.”

“You have more than a strong voice in your writing, there is a great cadence as well… it brings a special power to put breaths and pauses and separations in the format of your script to emphasize what is in fact-the very title.”

Excellent!
However….

I have a handful of writes and re-writes which should be easy…. but my brain, body and emotions are just fried. I consider daily to burn the manuscript and never publish it. I’m not sure if I want anyone to read it anymore. It seems so strange to think about, after having worked on this book for well over a year, as I get closer and closer to the finality of it, I question if I really want to follow through and give it a life of its own.

So, I read articles about writing, articles about self-sabotage, and distract myself with walks and coffee and sunshine. But yet, this little manuscript nags me from the back of my mind. It tugs on my brain’s coat-tails and is relentless in its need for attention.

I wash between the ‘holding’ of it, and the ‘folding’ of it, and yet come back to the investment I have already put in…. My pea-sized bookkeeping brain wavers back and forth between the ‘investment’ and the ‘return’… and I struggle to find breath between these waves.

Perhaps it is only fitting I have titled this book

Breathe.

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One thought on “Know when to hold ’em…

  1. Yes! I completely relate to what you’re going through, and sometimes, I feel as if I ever finish my memoir, I’ll be left with, “NOW what?” But finish, we must.

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