This is why I shouldn’t be left alone with my computer in the middle of the night sans sleep.
There is a part of my brain that apparently did not develop.
I have come to this conclusion in a variety of scientific methods. But the basic process or steps to the Scientific Method are as follows:
1. Ask a question
2. Do scientific research
3. Construct a Hypothesis
4. Test your Hypothesis by doing an experiment
5. Analyze your data and draw a conclusion
6. Communicate your results.
Let’s pose those more as questions to which I will provide the answers down below.
Although this ‘brain development’ conclusion seems to not be an earth shattering conclusion with me, I’m sure there are some of you out there reading this post who might be surprised. Therefore, I will walk you step by step of how I came to this conclusion.
1. To date the biggest ‘question’ I have been asked over the course of my life is: “What (the fuck) is wrong with you?!” ‘the fuck’ was put in parenthesis because obviously when I was very very young, there is no way any reasonable adult would say such harsh things. So, taking this question, I have asked:
“What is wrong with me?”
Great. That is simple. There is an easy answer….. ‘Nothing, I am perfect the way I am.’
2. Do scientific research. Okay, before I got ahead of myself in this question, I promptly headed to the internet, I took every personality test, self-diagnosis test, ‘how healthy are you’ test,IQ testes, Personality Tests,’are you suffering from’ tests, ‘mode of operation’ tests and even psychological strength/operations test I could find. To date, there is a very very (VERY) long list of my ‘failed’ test results. Including, and my personal favorite: Hypochondriac.
But, I hardly (if ever) get sick (except when I was really little), and I used to be an athlete in college. But, I think the kicker is, I’ve never been to a shrink/counselor/therapist/psychiatrist for anything, never had an ‘intervention’ or anything outside what is perceived/considered/box-breaking/whatever ‘normal’.
I scoured the internet for articles on ‘brain damage’, lobes and locations of brain damage and what part of your personality/motor function it would effect. I studied concussions, short term and long term effects. I looked into what affect Religion (or spiritual practice), DNA and family lineage had and on what part of the brain.
It is true, there are a couple instances which could qualify me for ‘brain damage’.
I looked at the argument of Nature vs. Nurture. Tabula Rasa. Natural progression. Darwn. blah blah blah-di-de-blah blah.
(I do come from pretty good stock)
Needless to say, we are only scratching the surface with my extensive research (which quite honestly, combining everything, has taken at least 10 years….) Just on this basic question. And questions about yourself… those are the most fun.
3. Construct an Hypothosis. Ok, easy enough… My hypothosis (based upon my extensive research), is: “I am okay the way I am… but there are a few areas I could improve on.”
I’ve sort of taken the middle of the road on this one…. but, *shrug* what do you expect?
4. Test your hypothesis by doing an experiment. Oh… ok. This could be fun.
Me (as I am mashing Oreos into the bottom of a milk glass): MMMM I love chocolate milk.
Other person which shall not be named: “No you don’t. You love Oreo’s smashed into bottom of the milk so you can crunch on little bits while you ‘drink your white milk full of fat and be healthy'”. If you loved chocolate milk, you would just pour the chocolate stuff (the brown stuff in the cupboard) into the glass of white milk whereby making in a dark tan colored with no grit.”
Me: What’s the difference?
OPWHNBN: The difference is, I have to clean your grit covered glasses when I do the dishes, rather than just rinse a glass.
Me: You know if you didn’t insist I ‘be healthy’ and there is something very wrong with dark tan milk, then I wouldn’t be having this conversation with you.
OPWHNBN: What is wrong with you?
Me. I’m okay the way I am, but there are a few areas I could improve on.
OPWHNBN: Yeah… that’s for sure.
Hmmmm…. well, that didn’t turn out too well.
Ok, what about ‘brain damage’ caused by an accident or injury? Yes, that is possible. A few car accidents (one without a seatbelt), a motorcycle wreck, a couple fights, you know….
Then… the only thing left is ‘brain development issues’. I thought about putting Autism in this classification, but decided against it. There isn’t definitive evidence (that I have seen recently, anyway) that could make this claim. And since we are sticking with Science, Autism does not go in this category. Seems like a surpising category to end up in especially since from the time I can remember I’ve been ‘learning in special and gifted ways’. Like the game ‘Memory’ when I was a kid, puzzles with the states and capitols, ‘Talented and Gifted’ programs, Advanced classes and multiple college degrees. Yet, I have been known to struggle socially… sometimes. But it is pretty rare, so …
5. Analyze your data and draw a conclusion. Well….
The ‘scientific research’ says I am pretty fucked up.
I’m in my 30’s = -1
I don’t have a husband (just a was-band) = -2
I don’t have 2.5 kids – -2.5
I don’t have a house – -10
I don’t have a car, a permanent address or a retirement plan = -15
I suffer from a multitude of sicknesses (in the head and in the body) = -25
Add those bad-boy numbers up.
Yet, I think I feel just fine. I mean, I’m walking…. I have use of all my limbs, I have the capability to feed/clothe/wash myself. and you know what…. I get depressed too. Deeply deeply crazy depressed. But, On those days that the sun lines up with the earth. I feel pretty damn perfect, and those are the days that I put up with all the clouds and the rain for. And yeah my joints hurt … a lot, and yeah, I think (and sometimes do) some pretty fucked up things. But, you know… if my brain didn’t develop in one particular area, then …. well… that would sort of explain things, I mean… right? One tiny tiny little area. Like the size of a tick. No, smaller…. like a grain of sand, no, smaller…. like an atom….
And it wouldn’t make someone mad if you told them that – they would probably, actually, maybe feel sympathetic and actually be nice and have a little compassion. *shrug* Who knows these days what is P.C. anymore.
Anyway, in essence, there you go… my conclusion.
When I am asked:
What is wrong with you?
I’ll just say, “There is a part of my brain that apparently did not develop”.
I can’t wait to try that out…. and will definitely keep you posted.
UPDATE: To quote a very good friend…. “Would you like to donate $$ towards a cure?”