Best ‘out of the office’ emails, which brings me to my next point…

I will be gone for a while. It’s an emergency/rescue/anythingbutvacation.
However, here are some good ‘out of office emails I considered posting.

1. I’m out of office for the ritual slaughter of turkey and will have only occasional access to email. You have been warned.

2. I will be out of the office
If you have an emergency, dial 911.
If you wish to speak to an operator, press or say ‘zero’.
If you want to save a lot of money on your car insurance, contact GEICO.
If you have information which may lead to an arrest in the murder case of Jon Benet Ramsey, contact the Colorado Springs Sheriff’s Department.
If you know the whereabouts of Osama bin Laden or other known terrorists, contact the United States Department of Defense.
If you know who shot J.R., contact the Dallas Police Department.
If you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find them, call …. The A-Team.

For all other questions, wait ’till I return.

3. You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn’t have received anything at all.

4. I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me until I return from holiday on 4 Dec. Please be patient and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.

5. Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first ten words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.

6. Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.

7. I’ve run away to join a different circus.

8. I will be out of the office for the next two weeks for medical reasons. When I return, please refer to me as Margaret instead of Steve.

9. I’m sorry, I can’t reply right now. I’m not away but I’m just hiding from someone, pretending I’m away. If it’s not you I’m running away from, I’ll reply your email.”

But seriously, while I would love to say that I won’t get your email while I am gone, we all know that is a lie, because everyone on the planet has an Iphone/Blackberry or Android where they get their emails sent directly to them like some invisible leash. I won’t email back though, unless you are bleeding to death or dying, because I am on another rescue mission. As soon as I return (and wash the cape) I will let you know how the adventure was.
In the meantime, peace, be safe, and keep on keepin’ on.

P.S. Don’t forget all the cool stuff in my store you can get while I am gone (just so you don’t get lonely).


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