Rant O’Saturday

What do 8.8 million people have in common?

They wasted an hour of their life and possibly destroyed quite a few brain cells by watching the Season Opening episode of Jersey Shore.

Jersey Shore?
Did I miss something?

Last I heard, the only thing Jersey shores were good for were concrete gardens and industrial waste run-off.
Not orange-skinned, testosterone-injected, popped-collar, greased, hyped, fist-pumping, binge-drinking douche bags.

Granted, I didn’t know who these people were until recently (very recently – thankfully). And, I have to say, my life isn’t ANY better with this new knowledge.

I would bet that more junior and high school students would know the names of at least three cast members of Jersey Shore, and not be able to name even one person who has served as the Secretary General of the United Nations.

I lose IQ points every time I hear/see the mention of the name Jersey Shore, Snooki or ‘The Situation’. I am saddened to see that this is what we have for role-models now. This is who we ‘endorse’ with our dollars through our choice of entertainment.
I can think of 10 things right now that I would rather do than watch one minute of the mind-numbing freak-circus that is that show.

I would rather:
1. Get my teeth pulled without Novocain.
2. Knit a sweater using only belly-button lint.
3. Run a marathon through blackberry bushes with no shoes.
4. Get audited
5. Dive headfirst down a 50 foot slip and slide covered in razor blades into a vat of alcohol.
6. Sit on a live cattle prod for five minutes
7. Suck out all the snot in a dog’s nose until its’ head caves in
8. Be a part of the human centipede (if you don’t know what this is, DO NOT GOOGLE IT!)
9. Be the human target for a dog-shit sling-shot competition
10. Have my fingernails and toenails pulled out one by one with a pair of pliers.

I hope to gawd the 8.8 million people watching this don’t have voting privileges, drive or worse, actually run companies…. oh wait, maybe that is what is wrong with this country….
They do.

It just makes me wish for the Zombie apocalypse. Because while everyone else has been watching Jersey Shore, I’ve been preparing.


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